Tuesday, 1 November 2016

Remembering Alex and Ian 9

When our twin boys Alex and Ian were stillborn, it seemed a huge effort to get through a day.  Today it is 9 years without them, wondering about what might have been, and celebrating their birth and death each year.  Fondly remembered.  Dearly missed.  Always a special part of our family.

As always for their birthday we have cake at home (coming soon).  On this page, I am sharing some links about stillbirth:

Pregnancy, the hardest race of all: 'If miscarriage is so common, why does no one talk about it?
 - Julie Freeman in the Guardian, 18 November 2015
One mother shares her story and talks to British Olympic athlete, Liz Yelling about her experience of miscarriage and how hard it is to talk about it.

Tired - by Maureen, Still Mothers, 30 May 2016
A lovely piece on how tiring it is to grieve and be the grieving mother.

Grieving mother denied refunds on baby items - The Age newspaper, 7 June 2016
A mother of a stillborn son talks of her experiences with the hospital, Centrelink and returning her baby purchases to the shops.

Seven families open up about The Long-Term Heartbreak Of Stillbirth In Still Loved Documentary - Huffington Post, 15 October 2015
Article about seven families who were filmed over three years to explore their experiences of stillbirth in a crowdfunded documentary.

Longest Night Service - Wikipedia
A Longest Night Service sometimes also known as a Blue Christmas Service or Service of Light, held on or around the eve of the winter solstice in the Northern Hemisphere, is a modern Christian religious service for those living with loss.

Stillbirth Foundation
An organisation that researches stillbirth in Australia with a register of stillborn children

My baby was stillborn but I refuse to hide him from the world - Narratively. 22 September 2016
An article about how parents of stillborn children are using the virtual world to share pictures and stories of their babies.


  1. Johanna thanks for sharing those links. I had read about the parents not receiving refunds for baby items and while some stores have their policies they will happily read out to you to deny a refund, surely they can have compassionate grounds policies.

    1. Thanks Faye - yes surely there is some discretion that can override policies but I guess the problem is in large organisations where the salesperson is not necessarily someone with a lot of discretionary power. I think part of the problem is that the whole world acts as though every baby will be healthy and so it is so often a surprise when they aren't and no one is prepared! Imagine a world where salespeople talked to expectant families about what would happen to the goods in the event of stillbirth!

  2. I was thinking of you yesterday and admire the links you have shared. At the risk of sounding inappropriate (as I still don't really know what it is like) I have a new appreciation for how difficult still birth must be, having now had a child. I really admire you getting through what must have been such a difficult time and continuing to honour your boys each year.

    1. Thanks Kari - your kind thoughts are appreciated.

  3. That you openly remember your boys is so important Johanna. I am sure your candidness and willingness to share is a positive support for so many people. Loss of any one important is a hugely painful process, but when it is your child, the pain is vast.
    I am shocked to read the story about the refusal of a shop to accept returns in such a tragically sad situation. There is no excuse for such insensitivity.... ever! x

    1. Thanks Kate - it is important that my boys have their space on this blog and the support of bloggers has really be invaluable. The story of the shop refusing to return goods is so sad - but great that the grieving mother had kind people help out in the end.

  4. I admire you so much that you post about this difficult sad thing every year, but of course it's very important to remember the boys. I knew it would make even me teary reading this, so I can only imagine how you are feeling. :(

  5. I can imagine it is difficult to talk about and share this with us. I didn't actually realize how common miscarriages were until someone very close to me had several. I hated seeing her every single time it happened, it seemed like she died a little bit each time. She did eventually have a child, but despite trying, she wasn't able to have more. I'm glad you have Sylvia, though I imagine you must wonder what it would be like to have your boys with you as well.


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